Health & Fitness
Teaching Social Skills: Polite vs Pragmatic
For children, social strategies that are considered innapropriate by adults can be functional in peer to peer interactions
As parents and professionals caring for children with ADHD or on the autism spectrum, we should be aware of the difference between "social success" and "good behavior". When parents or educators seek out a social skills group for a child, it is often out of an unspoken desire to foster polite behaviors. However, the social strategies that are considered innapropriate by adults can be functional in peer to peer interactions (Bellini, 2006).
I remember a child that I worked with who was diagnosed with ADHD. His disruptive behaviors in the classroom were being punished by the teacher, but rewarded by his peers in the form of laughter and attention. The challenge was to redirect his behaviors to be successful in one domain (academics) without diminishing the equally important success he was having in another domain (peer interaction).
For a child without well developed instinct for social behaviors, stumbling upon an action that provokes a positive response from their peers can trigger a repetitive cycle. One way to interrupt this is to inject a moment of reflection into the cycle of repetition. Encourage your child to take a breath, and a moment to "see into the future" to anticipate the results of their choices for a next action. These are called "choice points".
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If we stretch our own comfort levels, we can give encouragament to children for their social success in a way that also redirects impolite behaviors. We should take care not penalize them for the sometimes conflicting goals neccessary to navigate a complicated and contradictory social landscape.
Aaron Weintraub, MS runs child-centered social skills groups with a focus on children and teenagers with Pervasive Developmental Disorder, Asperger Syndrome, High Functioning Autism, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, and Shyness. Strengths-based approach in a community based setting. Groups forming now for Tolland, Mansfield, Willimantic, Hartford, and Coventry Connecticut. http://kidscooperate.com 860-576-9506
