Two-Headed Bullshark = The End of Humanity, Tolland Senior Sked, Blog on Patch!

Good morning, Tolland! Today is Wednesday, March 27, 2013; there are 279 days left in the year.

Kids, let’s talk about the greatest threat known to humanity.

Nuclear proliferation in the Middle East? Nope.

Climate change? Nuh uh.

The Harlem Shake? You’re getting warmer.

Justin Bieber? Well, yeah. But we aren’t talking about that right now.

The answer I’m looking for is: two-headed bull sharks.

Seriously, for every person on the planet, there are 1.5 million sharks. Or something like that. We’ve been able to hold them at bay with superior intelligence. But now evolution (dang you, Charles Darwin!) has given bull sharks two brains instead of one, just to eliminate us.

Peeps, we have to be ready. And by ready, I mean eliminate every last one of them. Because sharks only want to eat us. It’s a fact.

I'm not bullsharkin' you here.

Just as an aside, some people would say that my grandmother made a huge mistake letting me see Jaws 2 in theaters when I was 6 years old. And by some people, I mean everyone. But I have no idea what they’re talking about.

Here’s your Daily 5:

1. Today will be partly sunny, with a chance of showers before noon and a high near 46, according to reports from the National Weather Service.

2. Seniors are welcome to bring a craft project that they are working on during ‘Craft Time’ at 11 a.m. at the Tolland Senior Center.

3. Want to blog on Patch? Patch blogs give anyone from gardening enthusiasts to community leaders to local business owners the power to easily share ideas, expertise, questions, or even just a cool photo with the whole neighborhood. Interested? Learn more.

4. If you want to help local causes in Tolland, or your cause needs local help, your next click should be right here. 

5. Didn't get to the grocery store this past weekend? No worries - check out these local deals and start saving with Tolland Patch's Grocery Specials.