Parenting Workshop Encourages Rewarding Positive Behavior

Tolland residents are fortunate to live in a town that offers a multitude of resources for parents, including teaching best practices for raising children.   Many parents already rely on the Family Resource Center to provide before- or after-school care for children. Did you know that it also offers classes and workshops run by various professionals? 

Throughout the year, Family Resource Center offers workshops such as and (Systematic Training for Effective Parenting of Children under Six) to help parents learn effective parenting skills. 

On Feb. 15, families participated in a Positive Parenting workshop taught by Joe Freeman, LCSW.   Freeman and his wife, LCSW Ruth Ettenberg Freeman, offer both workshops and private therapy to parents who want to perfect their techniques in raising their children.   In addition, they teach parenting education at Natchaug Hospital.

According to Joe Freeman, the most common complaint parents express is that their children don't listen to them.  Punishing the children is not working so parents seek other techniques.  The Freemans center their workshops around behavior management to teach parents how to curb misbehavior by rewarding the opposite—positive behavior.

The Freemans, primarily following the theories of Alan E. Kazdin, Ph.D., teach parents how to build the foundation for the children to engage in positive behavior.  They dispel seven parenting myths, relating to the effects of punishment and praise, focusing on how the parent should respond to the child.  In the workshops, parents practice these skills.

Since punishment is not effective in changing behavior, parents need to develop other skills to accomplish their goals, according to the Freeman.  He recommends giving precise feedback to the child and then catching the child being good.  By pointing out and specifically praising good behavior, the child becomes aware of and wants to repeat that good behavior.  That is why it is important to describe the good behavior, rather than offering generic praise as in the phrase "good job."

The time to give your child attention is when they are not demanding it with misbehavior.  Instead, parents should spend twenty minutes a day of uninterrupted, quality time with each child.  As the child gets older, you can do it less frequently, but the focus should be on doing something fun together, such as playing a board game or reading.  It should be an activity that both parent and child enjoy.  The parent should not have an agenda for that time, but should relax and enjoy the child.  It is also a good time to praise the child's good behavior.

These experiences with the parent send a message to the child.  That message is that he or she is worthy of connection, attention and love.

According to Freeman, differing parenting styles and caregivers who are reluctant parents may interfere with effective parenting.  He believes all parents, including stepparents and grandparents, who are raising children that are not biologically their own, need to develop a connection and relationship with the children. 

Freeman will return to the Family Resource Center to conduct another workshop, this time on following the STEP curriculum of setting boundaries, giving choices and following through.  The workshop is scheduled for Wednesday, March 2, 6 p.m.-8 p.m., at .

Other services Family Resource Center provides include a preschool program, extended kindergarten to provide enrichment (rather than daycare), playgroups for families, educators for home visits to assist with language and motor development, and other community resources.  For more details, visit their web site.

Upcoming events at Family Resource Center include a Musical Pajamboree at Birch Grove on Friday, March 25, 6:30pm - 7:30pm, and an author visit at Tolland High School.

Readers can contact Joe and Ruth Freeman directly at 860-875-2578.  Their office, The Tolland Center for Individual and Family Therapy is located at 384 Merrow Road, Suite P, Tolland.